I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
