My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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