is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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