I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
