Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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