I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize