Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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