It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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