last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
