I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
