Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
