3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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