"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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