you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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