i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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