Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
