make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
