he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
