things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
