Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
