Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Randomize
