You're my little dorito
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
