I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
