apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You ruined the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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