Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
