Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
