so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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