trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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