just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
