no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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