Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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