I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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