Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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