I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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