he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
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Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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