I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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