you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
