I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
