His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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