Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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