Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
