something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
