it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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