you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
