when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
