dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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