What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
