When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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