get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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