Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
