But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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