You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You smell like stripper and shame
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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