apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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