Me too!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
