If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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