and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
