i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
