her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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