i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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