Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
