I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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