first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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