hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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