I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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