No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
